Freedom from Suicide

My name is Joy, and I have worked overseas in full-time missionary work for 13 years, 10 of those years with my husband and now our 3 children. Ministry certainly has its challenges, but working overseas presents further complications when you consider that we work outside of our home country, churches and culture.

Through a series of transitions and changes our family moved (internationally) 5 times in 3 years. During part of that transition I gave birth to our 3rd child, and less than a year later my Dad passed away. The plethora of changes, moving our kids from country to country, having another child in the process… and then finally losing my Dad was the perfect storm. I began to spiral downward- and had no idea how to get help.

One evening, I laid in the bathtub and just focused on the inner torment my thought life had become. It was the one and only moment in my life where I considered suicide. Not wanting my kids to find my body was really the only thing that kept me from following through with taking my own life- but the blessing in that process was the realization that I needed help. I could finally see I was struggling with depression, my marriage was on unstable ground, and I cried out to God for a breakthrough. He answered me by leading me to Sozo.

My first session was around the one year mark after my Dad passed away- which for many people who have gone through grief- is a challenging landmark in your journey. My Dad was a broken man, embittered by many trials that life had to offer. When he passed away, my heart was desperate for answers and questioning if I could ever truly feel loved and approved of by a Father figure.

During my first Sozo, Poppa God took me to the core of my pain of rejection- and in the best way possible God set off a love-bomb of atomic proportions.  God met me. He healed me. He reconnected my heart to his and extravagantly won me over with the TRUTH that Jesus died to give me nothing less than healing, wholeness and restoration. Father God whispered to me that he allowed my Dad to be taken out of the picture because it was time for Him to step in and redeem my understanding of what 'Father' truly means. I am crying now, over four years after this session, knowing that in more ways than one, God used Sozo to give me my life back.

Hope filled me. I got better. I no longer was depressed. My husband would even say things like "I feel like I got my wife back," and I began to believe I could open my heart to receiving God's love, and loving others with his love. The beauty in this process for me is that I work in the mountains of Peru. Its not an easy place to be, and many here are broken, lost and come from deep dysfunction in their past. The reality is, because of what I have experienced in my pain, and what God has so graciously redeemed- I feel hand-picked to serve in this atmosphere.I get brokeness. But I also understand we are loved, even though we are broken- and the greatest "mission" I can be on is to share of the hope we have in Jesus. It’s not easy- but Jesus is worth it, and I can sow into peoples lives from a place of hope knowing if he can restore me, he can restore anyone! God is in the business of restoration!

This past year (which is a few years down the road from my Dad's passing), my husband and I were going through some debriefing and realized God was calling us again to process life and have a few more Sozo sessions. Again, I was amazed to find simple ways my heart needed healing and bondage needed to be broken off. I needed to forgive some people, and most of all I needed a deep healing touch from Jesus. As only Jesus can, he cleansed me, healed me, delivered me, and brought me to a deeper place of connection with his love. I truly believe now, that if we are going to effectively minister the love of Jesus to others, it must come from a place of connecting with Jesus and letting him come to do what only he can: make us whole. 

I can truly say I'm a better daughter of God, wife, mom, and missionary because of Sozo. Jesus does what only he can do- and that is make the way to the Father, with us. And that is something that regardless of what culture you come from- everyone needs- intimate, beautiful, relationship with Poppa God! 

-Joy